My Evolving Take on Indiana:Gleanings from Catholic Radio

I'm about 110% Protestant, but for whatever reason, I love Catholic radio. I don't believe I'm getting bonus points with God when I listen to the "Hail-Mary", but it's always good for me to expand my horizons, even if only to a similar worldview.

The other day I was listening to an apologetics guy who essentially tries to use a combination of philosophy and Judo to put atheists and agnostics into submission. I used to love this kind of thinking. The atheist was making the common case/view that if there is pointless pain and suffering in the world, there cannot logically be an all-powerful loving God. After I watched the Walking Dead finale I thought he was right (How in the world do they expect humanity to survive 7 months without new episodes of the Walking Dead? I'm clueless). Anyway, the Catholic Judo master started making some points about how suffering can be beneficial, how it only appears there is no point to the suffering, and how pain and suffering create opportunities for grace, for courage, for justice.

I think he's right, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be listening to Catholic radio.

Then he made one more point that seems super relevant given the current state of affairs in Indiana.

He introduced me to a philosophy of "competing goods".

I'll do my best to explain it as well as he did. If there are multiple limited beings existing in a shared space, what is good for one being might very well be bad for another. For example, if a lion eats a gazelle, that is a good exchange for the lion, but a bad exchange for the gazelle. I think this happens all the time. If I go to an interview and get a sought-after job, then that means someone else didn't get that job. This philosophy of competing good makes the case that not everyone can have their cake and eat it too.

Indiana

Indiana is kind of crazy right now.

Let's walk through a scenario and apply this philosophy to it. If a Christian Southern Baptist (because that's the "right one") owns a bakery and is asked by a homosexual couple to do a wedding, this may create a dilemma (to say nothing of Jesus' and Paul's approaches to culture). If the baker has a moral objection to participating in the event, there most certainly will be a dilemma. Either the baker will say "No," which has reverberations in our nation's history of discrimination. Or the baker will say "Yes," creating a situation where a person may be forced to choose between God or country.

I'd make the cake and tell them about Jesus...
But I can't get past the baker's conscience. If he really believes his God doesn't want him to do it, how can we make a law that says he has to?

And on the flip side, nobody should be discriminated against. How can we not make a law that stops discrimination? That's exactly when laws work at their best!

In a world of competing goods it is important to remember almost no situation is black or white. People are the most complex things on this earth, and we're trying to create societies where a melting pot of human history can co-exist, there's going to be friction.

If You Died Today, How Many People Would Show Up at Your Funeral?

I love movies. Growing up I would go through stages where all I wanted to watch was a single movie, over and over and over.. First there was E.T. Then the Land Before Time, Jurassic Park, Independence day, and of course, The Sandlot. As I got older, movies got put on discs. The first DVD I ever owned was The Truman Show. Talk about a mind bender. Jim Carey plays “Truman” a happy-go-lucky-leave-it-to-beaver kind of character. He’s got a lovely wife, and they live on an island, in one of those creepy planned communities like on the X-files. The hook though, is that Truman does not realize everything he does is being filmed. In fact his whole life has been planned for him. His whole world has been planned for him. His every action is filmed with secret cameras. The food he eats, the house he lives in, the car he drives, even his wife. It’s all planned so that the outside world can look in and watch him. Throughout the movie, Truman realizes what’s going on.

Teenagers going through massive hormonal shifts, like I was, should not repeatedly watch movies that make them think the world exists for their benefit. I lived that way for a long time. In fact I think most people make their everyday decisions like the world revolves around their pleasure. What should I eat today? How should I spend my money? What should I do with my time? My future? My dreams? Just about every human answers that question along the lines of, “Whatever makes me happy.” The older I get the more convinced I’m becoming that the world does have a purpose, it does have a reason, a direction, and a goal, and that goal is not my happiness.

(spoiler alert) The Truman Show ends with Truman fleeing the island. He’s sailing the open ocean, wind blowing through his sails and hair, when he runs into a massive wall painted like a horizon. I still get goose-bumps every time I watch Truman crash into the edge of his world. Reality hits him like a ton of bricks when he finds a door to walk outside this world that has revolved around him. The director of the show speaks to him from a microphone and gives him the option to walk out the door and become just another guy, or to stay and continue to be the focus.

Truman appropriately and powerfully steps into a new reality. He’s no longer the focus. The show finishes with a group of people watching this series of events on T.V. ask, “So, what else is on?” “Where’s the T.V. Guide?”

Are you the focus of your life? Are you living to please yourself? What causes you to make the decisions you do?

Since I became a pastor, I have watched a lot of people live through their last days. Some people die well, and others don’t. Even today I held the hand of, and prayed with a girl who might not see next month. I have noticed a trend. People who live their lives with other people as their focus have more people at their funerals. Why does one guy die and 750 people show up at a building that seats 300? He influenced those 750 people. He interacted with them. He made them a priority. He made them feel important. He cut time out of his schedule. He was a mighty tree in a forest, and when he fell, the whole forest took notice. Why does another guy die and 25 family members show up? They probably want the inheritance..

When I die, I want tons and tons of people there. Not because I'm proud and want to be honored, but because if there are not a ton of people, then I did not live as well as I could have.

If your life is going to make any difference at all, it starts with you crashing into the wall of a self-focused reality and walking out the door into maturity. It ends when 750 people cram into a small building to say one last thank-you.

So, You Married Someone with Depression.

So did I. 

Six months ago my wife was diagnosed as clinically depressed. My thoughts were  a mixture of "I didn't sign up for this.." and "We're going to crush depression like the nasty bug that it is!" Since that point, I've been through a lot as "the spouse". It's really a scary experience to go from laughing and enjoying a sunset with your wife to find out the next morning, before work, she's been contemplating suicide. "Great honey, I'll be home for dinner around 6," doesn't exactly fit the bill.

I've learned a lot about depression since that time. Largely because I ask her everyday how she's doing. I've also read some articles and parts of books on the topic. I felt like I should tailor a blog post for the spouses out there. Maybe you can relate to some of this and maybe we can learn together.

The best thing I've been told throughout this last six months is that I'm not the first person to be in this position. Lots of people go through depression. It is viewed as taboo to talk about publicly, though. That is probably because it makes people uncomfortable to be honest about their feelings. Hearing other people's stories has been the biggest encouragement for me as a husband.

When it became fairly widely known that, as a couple, we were fighting this issue, all sorts of people started giving me advice. Some would say, "Wow, that's rough." (to which I totally agreed, but didn't make me feel any better). Others would give me advice like, "You've got to be around more often.." "She's now your #1 priority" (as if she wasn't before...) or "You can kiss your love life good-bye." "(You/We) Just got to keep praying for her." "See if you can get her involved in more activities.." on and on it goes. Bad advice is far from therapeutic.

Here's a couple of things I've found helpful.

#1, Show Her She Has Value (even though she doesn't realize it)

One of the best things I can do is to tell her how amazing (in reality) she actually is. Lucky for me, my wife really is an amazing woman. I don't know anyone who has a problem with her, her personality, or anything she's done. In spite of this, she has a very low view of herself. She says things like, "I don't want to be a drain on you." or "You don't deserve to go through this." The thing I've learned is that I am never going to get her to realize how amazing she is, but I have to keep trying. It is truthful, I think, that it's hard to be married to a depressed person, but I wouldn't trade her for anything, and I can't seem to make her believe it, but I'm trying.

#2, Be Open and Honest with Society (because you're not alone)

Too many depressed people withdraw within themselves. They lock themselves in their towers and their persons. I've concluded that this only makes matters worse for my wife. So I'm very open about how things are going. I only open up to people I trust. I wouldn't tell someone who had betrayed my trust about how things are going, but I strive for openness and honesty. For example, I spent the night at a friend's house the other night while I was traveling. They asked how my wife was doing and I didn't pull any punches. I laid it out there. They shared a couple of stories about depression in their families and recommended a book, which turned out to be pretty good. I could have lied and said, "My wife? Yeah, she's doing good, enjoying her work.." doing that only creates isolation. Be open. Be honest. You're not alone.

#3, Take Care of Things that Create Stress (so they don't have to)

In our present condition, we don't make a lot of money. We're a paycheck by paycheck family. It creates a lot of stress. My wife also has to work because of this, which may or may not be good for her, I haven't made up my mind on that one. In any case, the situation isn't optimal. Optimal would be where finances weren't an issue, debt free, stable, helping others around us, starting our family... But we're not there. And I get this feeling that everyday stress that we all go through affects my wife much more that it does me. She looks physically exhausted after we do our budget, or out running errands, or grocery shopping, or dealing with unruly people/friends/family.

I've started applying for jobs that would take us above this spot. I haven't gotten any word back yet. I'm getting to the point where I'm considering switching career paths (at least temporarily) to take this financial burden off of her. It's hard to make necessary sacrifices without making her feel like she is somewhat to blame. I wish I could just make her happy. They haven't exactly invented that pill yet.

#4, Realize This is Your New Normal (correct expectations go a long way)

Get used to all the little things that are going to happen. Your spouse will need more sleep than normal, your sex life may be put on pause, when you get home from work you may need to spend extra time walking with your spouse though their day (how it went, how they reacted, why?, and what they can do differently). Realize that this is your new normal. A wise man once said that the key to life is "low expectations." I would say "correct expectations," but the idea's the same. If you are married to someone who is "supposed" to be like people on TV you're going to be disappointed. Reality television is far from reality. Create realistic expectations in your mind for what your spouse can do and be in your relationship.

#5, Face to Face (especially if your spouse is a girl)

One thing I've made a point to do is to spend more face to face time with my wife. Instead of t.v. each night, I bought a "Hobbit" comic book. Before we go to bed, we read a couple of pages from this book together. Another example is that I wake her up every morning, no matter what. I want her to know I'm there each morning even if I have to leave at 6 AM. I always try and do something unique to make her know I care, so I used to do "Superman" jumps onto the bed to wake her up, but I got cut and electrocuted on an outlet by our bed, so I don't do that anymore.. :). Mornings and Evenings are a priority.

Thanks for listening. Any good advice is appreciated. :)

An Extremely Brief Look @ Church Discipline.

     Church discipline from a historical perspective has largely circled around the sacraments and the sacraments represented salvation. Penance, Baptism, Mass, and Communion for a large part Christian history have contained within them salvation. Many divisions of the Church still teach them this way. Excommunication of 1 Corinthians 5 isn’t as big of a deal if the person is still saved. If salvation is somehow mingled into the sacraments and excommunication centers around the sacraments then salvation is ultimately being taken away from the convicted unless they repent. “Excommunication is, and was ever esteemed to be, more than a mere local expulsion from the Church. It always implied a denial of the Gospel-ordinances, and with them the means of saving grace.” The early Church focused primarily on three reasons for discipline: 1. “The honour of the Church”, 2. As an “example to others”, and 3, that the delinquent’s “spirit might be saved.” Also it is clear that the execution of the discipline throughout history has largely been with that of the bishop. A broad view of the Church’s history on this topic would be for another paper.
     For brevity’s sake, the Baptists will see some attention. Compared to contemporary Christianity, early Baptists have some fairly humorous (at least the author of this post finds them humorous) stories to tell as it relates to Church discipline. At a gathering, some elders made known to the congregation the work they were up to in the town recently:

[We] went to the wife of William Austin, unto whom we declared the cause of our coming and the resolutions of the church, as before: which when we had done, she said they were excommunicated already. We told her she was deceived; they were reproved and admonished, but not excommunicated. Then she confessed it and said ‘Tis true I was reproved by Mr. Denne for denying the faith wherein I was baptized, but I do not deny that Christ died for all, for I say that all shall be saved.’…Then being weary with hearing her utter these, and many more wicked and blasphemous speeches against the Lord… we excommunicated her…And so we departed from her.

    The story above represents in large part how many viewed Church discipline for a very long time. Church discipline was a matter of steps. After step one comes step two, after two is three, and after three you’re done. Records, like the one above, seem to indicate that it was a very impersonal process. In the above story the steps take place so fast that the girl in question doesn’t even remember which step she’s on. The process is quick, impersonal, and dutiful. It’s important to point out how nonchalantly the two men are willing to excommunicate. In the above, it seems that they aren’t so much trying to lead this woman back to the Lord, but more like they are enforcing the law.
     At least it wasn’t as bad as Michael Servetus, but it still doesn’t seem to grasp the goal that Jesus had in mind. These are people. Their lives with God are in the balance. It seems as if they should be grieving and aching over the fact that these people aren’t walking with God anymore, but there’s no indication of that. It seems much more like business as usual.

     The Church is different from a club in that Christians have a moral obligation to God to remain pure. It isn’t easy. It isn’t popular. And it isn’t smiled upon. This is the task of people who deeply care for the people of God and ache over their shortcomings. On the flip side, it is a delicate personal process which shouldn’t be done harshly, quickly, or without the true end-goal in mind. Church discipline starts with sin and hopefully ends with a loving embrace back into the community of God. It isn’t for outsiders. It isn’t for the openly repentant. It’s for the kinds of people that nobody likes to deal with anyway. It is rough sledding. It isn’t the ideal, but it is necessary. “It implies…nothing less than a full and faithful application of those scriptural rules and principles, which were designed to preserve the order of the churches, to promote the purity, harmony, and useful efficiency of their faithful members, and to separate the incorrigibly unfaithful from their communion and fellowship.” It is also to be done privately as long as possible. Although this is hard to maintain these days. Wise people should also take care that even a private phone conversation can turn into a national media story these days.
     Church discipline is an intricate process that shouldn’t be handled simply over the course of a week or two. This isn’t a fast-food American ideal, but we would do well to learn how this will affect American culture. We aren’t in the 17th century anymore.
     Despite all of these factors the Church shouldn’t cease from its goal of becoming a beautiful bride set apart for her husband. “Lack of church discipline is to be seen for what it really is -- not a loving concern as is hypocritically claimed, but an indifference to the honour of Christ and the welfare of the flock”